Many thanks

to all of you who have responded to my question below. I’m torn between being glad that I hadn’t missed anything and being frustrated at lack of progress.

I asked the question because of events of Tuesday. It started off ordinarily enough. I was going to confession. At this particular church, it’s offered on weekdays after the midday Mass, which I didn’t attend. There was a startlingly large line of penitents. I was in the line for the new priest. (I didn’t think I had anything serious enough to discuss to go to my usual confessor and thought I should get to know the new priest.) Since this was a new priest, he was using a confessional that I’d not used before, but nothing about it seemed too odd. I entered and continued to reflect and pray in preparation for the sacrament. Suddenly the door to the confessional opened. I turned to see a very startled and apologetic woman. I said something along the lines of “Don’t worry about it” as she profusely apologized.

A moment later the priest was ready. He had very good counsel for me. I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament in prayer. During that prayer I had what I can only describe as a very brief moment of spiritual ecstasy. It stopped when the woman who had opened the confessional door came up to me to apologize again.

Later in the day, I read several posts in various blogs about the necessity of forgiving others, the most pertinent of which is Fr. Jim’s excellent homily. The message was unmistakable – I absolutely must forgive. The person in question (whom I’ll call A) did several of the things A does that get my goat. I reacted with the bitter cocktail of anger, pride and resentment. I dredged up old unsettled scores and stewed on them. I began to experience a serious temptation. The contrast between what I’d learned earlier in the day could not have been clearer.

Since then, I’ve been in tension – between the lure of the familiar and the (so far) impossible task of forgiving A. May the Lord have mercy on me.