A new game!

Haven't blogged much due to work at the job and lots of yardwork. Hacking up sod that's taken over a flowerbed gave me new appreciation for the sodbusters. Tearing up weeds in the tomato patch gave me the opportunity to pretend I have Tourette's Syndrome. I return to blogging with a little game.

The Bard of Ohio pointed to a site that gives trivia and flapdoodle about your date of birth. One feature is your “birth tree”. Mine is as follows

Apple Tree, the Love
Of slight build, lots of charm, appeal and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.

Oh dear. Could they be more wrong?

“of slight build” – Neither department stores nor many better menswear stores generally carry dress shirts, suits or sport coats big enough to fit me. I’m either taller, heavier or both taller and heavier than 44 of the current Denver Broncos as listed here today – though certainly less athletic than any of them.

“lots of charm, attraction and appeal” – this could conceivably be true if they’d qualify it by adding “when compared to other eccentric loners”.

“flirtatious” – does awkward, sweaty stammering count as flirting these days? How about looking at her shoes instead of my own while attempting to converse?

“adventurous” – My dad was a literal belt-and-suspenders guy, at least after age 70. While I’m not that far gone yet, I’ve always been somewhat of that bent. I’ve only gone tree-climbing twice.

“very generous” – these men, these men and these people are very generous. I live in a nice house and work in an air-conditioned office. Q. E. D.

“scientific talents” – what little talent I have tends to revolve around a preternaturally keen sense of smell, a good memory and some facility with language. By that count, I guess Proust would have been a scientist rather than a novelist.

“a carefree philosopher” – first off that’s a complete non-sequitur. No philosopher who’s formed a complete thought is carefree. Philosophers are among the most care-filled of all people. I’m about as carefree as Hamlet, consequently I lack the discipline to drink from the wells of philosophy.

Were I to be characterized as a tree, I’d suggest the Alamo or the Blue Spruce.

The trivia (like the phase of the moon on the date of my birth) was more interesting and, I daresay, more accurate.