The saintly curmudgeon

Lots of curmudgeons (and what conservative isn’t at least a bit curmudgeonly?) are particularly fond of St. Jerome, whom we commemorate today. We do well to remember, though, that he was more harsh with his own shortcomings than he was with those of others. May God grant me that same grace.

Ugh times two plus huzzah

Yesterday after work I went clothes shopping. You see with the end of grad school thundering nearer, it seems a good idea to get a new suit for job interviews. My current suits (purchased four and a half years ago) fit me well enough, but they do look just a bit dated. My better half had received a mailer about a sale at a big department store with a coupon for an extra 15% off of everything, so it was time to go have a look.

I tried on a suit jacket only to find that, despite it being marked as the size I ought to wear, it was too small. I had to get the biggest suit in the store (48 long, in case you’re curious). Now the old suits still fit me, and they aren’t that infamous size and I doubt that they've grown, so it looks like there is a little game going on with the sizing of menswear. Grrr. I really don’t care for shopping at the big and tall men’s store, as their better clothes are few, far between and overpriced.

The new suit is nice and the price was good too. Now I can wear pale gray to an interview, which seems like a most appropriate color for that dismal function.

Got home a bit later than usual after all that. Saw the one bit of autumn that I don’t care for – the too-early dusk. By 6:30 there was precious little light in the sky. The air was nicely crisp and it smelled faintly of fall. Every so often a step in the park would produce a happy crunch of fallen leaves.

It’s funny, but the different trees in the neighborhood turn quite differently. On some of the hardwoods the leaves nearest the trunk have turned first, so that in the light of dusk or dawn, they appear to be lit from within. On others, the leaves farthest from the trunk turn first, making the tree look frosted. On still others, all the leaves on some limbs turn completely before those on other limbs start to turn. As befits a place settled during a gold rush, most of the leaves turn gold. Apparently it isn’t just the type of trees, but a low iron content in the soil, that keeps many from turning red. For what it’s worth, those that do turn red (like the sumacs and the woodbine vine) tend to be weeds. Perhaps I can get some pictures later this week.

Between the marvelous colors and the more comfortable temperatures (under 55 is really ideal for dog-walking), autumn is terrific. Almost terrific enough to make up for the paucity of daylight. Almost.

A public service announcement

The irrepressible Elinor Dashwood, who has the great good sense to love the Autumn, asks after a John Donne quote. I'm glad to report having found it:
"In Heaven it is always Autumne; His mercies are ever in their maturity." It comes from a sermon, not a poem, which likely led to Miss Dashwood/Dame Cacciaguida's difficulty in finding it. The whole piece is worth a read, despite its typos.

highlights of a wonderful day

Had the happy opportunity to attend Mass at Holy Ghost. Fr. Bill, presaging the post from T S O'Rama, mentioned that the baseball season offered us an important sign: It is evident that the Most High has determined that neither the Cubs and Redsox shall win a World Series. Both of those teams are in the playoffs this year. If both teams win their respective league, then, it is necessary to immediately prepare for the end of this world. (I'm pretty confident that we're looking instead at a rematch of 1989: Giants/A's, but with the Giants taking this one.

Another happy event was the final baseball game in Jack Murphy Stadium. Next year big league baseball leaves the southeastern California desert for the edge of downtown San Diego. I'm sure that Petco Park will be a much nicer place to see a game.

Lose weight now, ask me how

I just experienced a really rapid, yet completely healthy weight loss. I feel better. I’m able to do things I couldn’t do before. Even my posture’s better.

Wasn’t the Atkins Diet or a new workout regimen. It was a trip to the confessional. Took the weight of the world off my shoulders. I had been away too long, but am glad to report it wasn’t too late when I got there. (I’m reminded that my past few physical ailments have occurred while I’ve been vexed by an unconfessed sin. Hmmm.)

A nicely poetic moment – while I was in the box waiting, there were hammering and sawing sounds from elsewhere in the church. I was reminded that during our confessions, important repairs are being made by the One who was a carpenter of Nazareth.

Chances are that none of my readers are as sinful as me -- or as neglectful of going to confession -- so thanks for putting up with my ramblings.

After the storms

(both literal and metaphorical in her case), Elinor Dashwood is right on with a post about a delightful movie.

While I Was Out

Saturday evening, when I started to feel ill, I wasn’t sure just what was wrong. Even well into Sunday, after I’d engaged in several bouts of uncharacteristic projectile behavior, I had my doubts. By late Sunday, though, it was clear that the flu had laid me low. I’d wondered if it may have been food poisoning, but some symptoms (and their duration) argued against that. I’d also wondered if it may have been the ball game.

Saturday afternoon we went to Coors Field. Now I’m a big baseball fan, a bigger Rockies fan and even a bigger fan yet of right fielder Larry Walker. Walker’s been an outstanding player for the better part of a decade. He’s what old-timers call a five tool player – he can hit for average, hit for power, run, catch and throw the ball very well. Many have commented on his instincts for the game – it isn’t often that Walker would make a baserunning blunder, let alone a fielding error. He simply played the game the way it should be played. On a couple of occasions he’s run into the outfield wall hard enough to break a bone, yet made the catch. For someone like me who routinely breaks his own bones by innate clumsiness, this is singularly impressive. Now he’s past his prime, particularly given the injuries he’s incurred through the years, so his bat has been largely quieted, his glove and arm are turning from gold to lead and his fleetness of foot is going the way of all things.

Now the concept of the error in baseball was convincingly discredited by Bill James et al, as recounted quite nicely in this spring’s book Moneyball. Still, the statistic is recorded and, as with anything that’s recorded, the error should be recorded accurately. Saturday afternoon Walker could have been charged with a shocking THREE fielding errors – and young Jay Payton, a good fielder in his prime, caught a ball about 350 feet from home plate, squared up to face the plate and threw the ball about 30 feet off to his right. None of the errors were recorded as such – to the shame of the scorekeeper.

Payton’s error was just one of the oddities of a day at the ballpark. (I remember hearing Vin Scully – who’s broadcast several thousand games – once saying that nearly every baseball game he’s seen has included something he’s never seen before.) It was Walker’s errors that were more disturbing. On all of them it was plain that he didn’t really see the ball well. Last offseason, without the team’s permission, Walker had eye surgery. Either Walker has experienced rather severe loss of vision, in which case the surgery has slightly mitigated his loss – enabling him to hang on to a career that would otherwise be over already -- or, more likely, the surgery has accelerated the sad decline in Walker’s skills.

So it too often is. We reach for something earthly with the thought that it will help us in one way or another and all it does is push us farther down into our fallenness – farther yet from the graceful (and grace filled) imago Dei.

BTW – be sure to get a flu shot at your first opportunity. This was a nasty bug. At times I thought my muscle cramps were going to break bones in my legs.

Have been laid up with stomach flu. Ick. Slowly getting back to normal.

Just yesterday I mentioned that it wouldn’t be long before we had frost and -- ta da! – today there was a soft frost on the grass. Not enough to really crunch beneath the feet, but enough to give the great field a whole different look than it’s had all summer. The sparkle of frost in the morning light gives an elfish cast to the park – as if someone had spun impossibly fine lace across countless blades of grass.

‘Twas a cloudless morning in town, so we walked to the eastern edge of the park, to see if there’d be a good view of the mountains. (That’s one drawback to our neighborhood –few mountain views. Can’t see the mountains for all the trees. Of course I wouldn’t sacrifice the trees just for that.) Since the sun wasn’t very high in the sky, we were walking straight into it – eyes cast down into the cool light. When we got to the vantage point, though, some clouds held over the higher mountains. Maybe tomorrow their whiteness will dazzle the eye again. We’ll be out and about quite a bit and have plenty of chances to get a good look.

I take a rather arcane path to work. Some of the streets I take probably are unknown to most long-time Denverites. So I was surprised to be followed for about 3 miles (on six different streets) by the same car. Not just any car, either, a Dodge Viper – top down. Now the Viper is a very rare car. Denver’s best known Viper owner is also her biggest local celebrity. The only times the car got close behind me, the brilliant sun was right behind the car, so I couldn’t get a very good glimpse of the driver. When I turned and it didn’t, the driver’s window was tinted enough that I couldn’t see him very well either. I did get a few glimpses of the driver’s hair blowing above the windshield. It wasn’t especially long. Its color was between blond, red and brown. The follower could well have been The Duke himself. (Since it’s no longer possible to look up the owner of a car by its license plate – in this case 757-JAL – I don’t know if I’ll ever find out for sure, although that plate would certainly fit old #7.)

So twice in the early morning I’ve been in obvious situations where I try to see something, but can’t see it. That would suggest that perhaps I’m not seeing some important messages in other aspects of my life, no?

A quote from my new boss’ message to the “troops”:

There is no call for us to change the way we do things or tackle any major new assignements [sic] - just continue to find ways to do what do better, faster, more accurately, more completely, and more timely - with a little more time on task, a little more attention to detail, a little more scrutiny and thughtfulness [sic], and a little more pride of ownership.

I’m taking it on myself to increase the thughtfulness.

Saw a very odd bumpersticker yesterday.

God was my copilot, but we crashed into a mountain and I ate him.

Now given the neighborhood this was in, I don’t think they really meant to express all the orthodoxy implicit in the statement.

1. If God is the co-pilot and the individual the captain of the soul, then a wrecked life is probably inevitable due to the effects of original sin.
2. The Most High offers Himself as food for us in the Eucharist.
3. The Eucharist is the surest way for us to be saved from the wreckage we would otherwise make of our lives.

May those who were (in all likelihood) attempting to mock the Faith, be brought to share in it fully.

’Tis a privilege to live in Colorado

The Denver Post used to print that motto on every edition and even had it on their old building. That building was obviously related to Holy Ghost Church, just a few blocks up the street – not just in that both were built by the Bonfils family, but in their shared architectural elements. (Sorry to say I can’t find an image of the old building.) Going to the Post was one of the best field trips in grade school because of the buzz of excitement that filled the place.

The Post abandoned the nice old building in the 80s. Editorial moved to a modern office building with a commanding view of the State Capitol and the City and County building below. (Would anyone believe that the placement of editorial posteriors above the local symbols of law is a coincidence?) For quite a few years they kept the motto (and another, of which more later) over part of the parking lot that had replaced the building and a few bits of the old walls as barriers between the parking lot and the sidewalk. (Production moved to a big new facility in an industrial part of town.) Now even the parking lot is gone – and the mottoes no longer animate the street. The building site, across the street from the convention center, is being excavated for a new hotel. At least that’s what they say. From what it looks like, they could be trying to tunnel to China for all I know.

Yesterday was a hot late summer day with a high on the wrong side of 80 degrees. In the afternoon, though, the privilege of living in Colorado asserted itself. The temperature dropped twenty degrees in two hours. By the time I walked the dog (around six), it was just perfect: about fifty degrees with a nice breeze and clouds racing across the sky. When storms roll in, I can understand how our forefathers came to worship storm gods such as Thor. The power and majesty of a storm are most impressive. The strongest men are puny in the face of them. But even the greatest storms are tinier still in comparison to our Creator. How amazing, then, that the living God would interest Himself in us!

This morning it was finally cool enough out to wear the leather jacket that my wife had bought for me back in the spring. It won’t be long and there’ll even be frost in the morning. A while after that and the frost will accumulate on my beard when I walk the pup. A little after that and it'll be time for the heavy coat and gloves. While hot weather is enervating, the cold’s invigorating power is greater. The idleness of summer is coming to an end and we see the signs of mortality about us. Carpe diem!

The other motto of the Denver Post was “O Justice, when expelled from other habitations, make this thy dwelling-place.” Suitably Victorian, but it implies that Justice doesn’t dwell here yet. Perhaps that was so in the Post’s earliest days. It’s so today for Lisl Auman Would it not be better to ask Justice fall like rain on all the Earth, than to consign other places to permanent injustice?

Tried Erik the K’s Orrechiette recipe last night. Wow! Even better than I had expected. Just a few bites in and we were discussing who we should invite over for this dish in the future. Next time I will add a bit more thyme. Of course with me, thyme’s always short < /badpun>

Seriously, the ease of preparation of this dish is surpassed only by how good it tastes. If in Denver, you can get all ingredients at Marczyk’s Fine Foods, Whole Foods or Wild Oats – except the grappa, due to Colorado’s benighted liquor laws. For the grappa, try Colorado Liquor Mart in Belcaro. They have a Grappa de Montalcino that’s I prefer to any other grappe I’ve had. Then again, Brunello de Montalcino is my favorite wine, so that shouldn’t be a very big surprise. I'm glad I made enough to have leftovers for lunch today.

So, since Mr. K's most recent recipe is a drink recipe, I'll reciprocate. This is a fave from a steakhouse near Denver -- the Greek Martini. (With western and eastern components, it's even an ecumenical drink!)

Take an appropriate amount of good vodka (Wyborowa or Monopolowa would be my choices here, Chopin or Belvedere would be overkill), shake with ice, strain into chilled martini glass.
Add a slim float of Ouzo (Metaxa seems to be the preferred pour).
Garnish with a Kalamata Olive. The act of placing the garnsh and carrying the drink and toasting will cause sufficient mixing of the liquors.

Welcome back!

Crystal has returned to blogging and Building Zion has new posts.

It's all the rage

Lots of folks are playing the Bag of Art game:

Art Resurrection by Matthias Gruenewald
Music J. S. Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D minor
Novel The Brothers Karamazov
Film The Gang’s All Here (Busby Berkeley and Carmen Miranda - ha!)
Pop Song Louis Prima & Keely Smith “Old Black Magic”

Courtesy of Stephen and Erik.

Quiz Time

Gospel M*I*N*E*F*I*E*L*D sent me to a fun quiz. (Orignal recommendation from the inimitable and indomitable Zorak.)

My results:

The Life Raft.

As typified by the life raft floating in a turbulent sea, this personality type strongly needs to help others and to be thought of as a generous and kind individual. Often precisely because these people are so reliable and so willing to help others without recompense, they are taken advantage of and regarded as simply part of the scenery. This problem is compounded by the tendency for Life Raft personalities to view self-promotion as suspect or without merit. These personalities will work unfailingly for a goal and often as not see other, more outgoing personalities take the credit for it.

Generally overworked in an office environment, Life Rafts are nevertheless highly regarded by a wise employer, who sees in them many years of unswerving devotion to the job. Very accurate and precise thinkers, Life Rafts work best when handling the work themselves; they do not appreciate a managerial role and tend to be uncomfortable in that position.

At least I'm not a Life Raft due to girth and buoyancy.

Such a stereotypical post . . .

I remember hearing of a children’s book entitled “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”. Well, that’s pretty much how Friday started.

Late last week both my better half and I were in the midst of particularly nasty workplace stuff. She’s in the middle of budget season. I’ve got new Federal regulations to implement against lots of institutional resistance with a rapidly-approaching deadline.

Friday morning my wife left me two messages at work. The first one was that Mr. Puppy was obviously not feeling well as he wouldn’t leave her alone and he started crying and whimpering. The second message was that she couldn’t find him. She was afraid that he’d found a quiet place in which to die. She, of course, had to get to work so she couldn’t search him out. It was quite troubling that he wouldn’t come to her when she called, as that’s not his nature. I still wasn’t ready to believe the worst.

Needless to say, I went home at lunchtime. Took nearly twice as long as it should have due to impromptu road construction all along the route.

When I arrived at home, I started by searching the house. It was eerie to enter the house and not be immediately greeted with a wave of puppy enthusiasm. I started by searching the basement, remembering the time he had found his way down and closed the door behind himself. He wasn’t there. I returned upstairs and searched room by room. All his toys were lined up as Catherine leaves them for him in the morning. Usually by mid-day he’d have removed at least one of them. No sign of him in the house at all. So I started methodically outside along the fence, looking to see if there was some hole he might have sneaked through. When I started looking behind the bushes along the east fence, I heard the jingle of dog tags. He’d been between the lilac bushes and the house – a new spot for him as far as I know, but a cool one. He was limping a bit, whimpering, wagging his tail. He was quite dirty. I don’t know that I was ever happier to see him anyway.

I took him inside, got most the dirt off his coat and gave him a little treat with a hidden dose of a veterinary anti-inflammatory agent. I sat with him for a while and petted him. The prodigal pup had returned and I was happy to look past the lameness, whimpering and dirt.

Through that evening and the whole weekend, he was more demanding of our attention than usual – just like I am more demanding of my Master’s attention when I’m in a painful situation that I can’t resolve and more prone to ignore Him when things seem to be going more my way.

Saturday was a real fall day – cool and overcast with a light breeze. As I ran various errands, there was even a bit of drizzle. Catherine had the worst of the day with no end of difficulties in trying to get new lenses properly fitted in her eyeglasses. You’d do well, no matter who you are, to avoid Eyeglass World!


This was one of those weeks where we had decided to attend the anticipated Mass on Saturday. Not many others had made that choice. We sat on the geographic west (liturgical south) side. The sanctuary seemed a bit darker than it had recently, in keeping with the darkness of the day. The nave was dark too, given the dark clothes that most of those present wore. I was in pale gray – a few shades lighter than the sky had been. A strange day here, where the sky had been cloudy all day.

Now most people would regard what came next as nothing more than coincidence. Many would not recount it as it seems melodramatic or, to some, perhaps worse. Right after we prayed “Lord, I am not worthy . . “, the sun broke through the clouds for the first time that day. The nave was flooded with brilliant light. Even my gray shirt looked bright.

At home that evening, the power kept flickering off and on, as it had done some months ago. I did what I did that night (pray ”Visite, Quaesumus Domine”). Instead of roasting a chicken, though, we went to a neighborhood Greek restaurant that’s new to us and had a delightful meal. There were no further problems with electricity, or with Mr. Puppy. We slept the sleep of blessed, for we are so richly blessed

Now that we're in another season of snippy blogging

(by some, not all of course), I'm all the more glad that it's been months since I've visited what one particular Catholic blog. I've seen links and excerpts elsewhere, but nothing to make me want to go back to the blog that outdoes Dr. Laura for sheer bossiness and spleen.

In Memoriam

extreme Catholic has the best 9/11 post I've seen. Weridly James Lileks was disappointing. James is sure that the worst is yet to come. Patrick acknowledges that while worse may come, it may not. Perhaps because James doesn't have The Certainty, he must have some lesser certainty and this, for now, is it.

Yep.

Every so often there's something good in Yahoo! News - Notable Quotes. Today's the best in a while:

Sex is boring unless you're doing it."

-- Director RIDLEY SCOTT on why his movies don't have sex scenes, quoted in The Boston Globe.

Would that we could get more of the infotainment world to realize this!

Gerard Serafin, frustrated with the apparent negativity much that's been posted on various blogs of late, has been posting some great excerpts. Two from Lubac and one from Thomas a Kempis. Things worth considering.

Disjointed yet annotated and articulated items

Now and again you’ll hear a homily where the preacher (I’ve heard it from Prot’s as well as from Papists) goes on about some great experience in nature as some affirmation of God’s love. I’m always a bit leery of such connections, but did have a terrific morning.

The sky was cloudless, there was a light breeze and it was just a bit cooler than room temperature – perfect for a post-dawn walk with the pup. Got back to find the TV on and a newsweenie warning “you’ll want a jacket as it’s only 55 degrees out”. If someone wants to wear a jacket at 55 degrees (unless it’s raining), they belong in Phoenix rather than Denver!

Another great moment in local news.

In the March blizzard, a local Catholic high school lost a building. Last night they held a benefit to raise funds to replace the building. (I’d have thought that’s why they have insurance, but what do I know?) The benefit was a concert by the Doobie Brothers. The local TV news last night closed with a clip of the band playing “Jesus is Just Alright”. Seems they’ll have some ‘splainin’ to do in their theology classes in the days ahesd, eh?

The latest paper NR includes a great quote from Livy: “We can neither abide our vices nor face the remedies necessary to cure them.” But the fuller quote is better:

I would then have him trace the process of our moral decline, to watch first the sinking of the foundations of morality as the old teaching was allowed to lapse, then the final collapse of the whole edifice, and the dark dawning of our modern day when we can neither endure our vices nor face the remedies needed to cure them

(Per the 400 year old translation provided here.)

Just a reminder: Livy’s “modern day” would have been shortly before the birth of Our Lord., well before Rome’s most noted decadence. How much more does it apply to a society that is careening toward post-Christianity.

The Livy quote is particularly pertinent as I continue in my feeble efforts to comply with my confessor's advice.

Much commentary on the saying "His yoke is easy and His burden is light" focuses on the ease and lightness. There is, though, the burdensomeness and the state of being yoked. I know a bit about being yoked, mainly thanks to my father's many stories of his upbringing on a rather primitve farm. When an animal is yoked to, say, a wagon, that animal's freedom of movement is somewhat limited, not just by the weight he pulls which slows him, but by the mechanism of the yoke itself, which makes turning more difficult. I hope that this yoke reduces my tendency to turn away from the right path.

Dom Bettinelli has an idea that’s got some good and some bad: moving the Expos to Boston or, maybe, suburban Massachusetts.

The good:

Boston supports its teams well and has grown sufficiently that it’s reasonable to believe it would support two teams, much like the Bay Area

Those Expos fans still in Montreal would have a shorter trip to see their new home.

The fight with Peter Angelos that would accompany a DC move would be avoided.

The bad:

Unless the Expos play in Fenway for a few years as tenants of the Red Sox, the move would be an unreasonably long time off. The situation should be resolved quickly.

The cost of building a ballpark in downtown Boston is probably prohibitive.

The new ballparks that have succeeded (PacBell, Coors, Bank One, Minute Maid, Safeco, Jacobs, Camden Yards) are downtown parks. The new parks that aren’t near their home cities’ downtowns (Miller, Pro Player, Arlington, Tropicana) have been flops. I know of no reason to believe that the experience in New England would be that different than the experience in the rest of the country, but I could be wrong.

It doesn’t get baseball back in DC, where RFK stadium is ready as a short-term solution pending the construction of a real new ballpark for the nation’s capital.

The defeat of Peter Angelos that would accompany a DC move would be avoided.

I love autumn!!

Over the past few days, some leaves (mainly on alamos/cottonwoods) have started to turn. Huzzah!

Gosh it's nice in Denver these days! Yesterday was the first day in months that we haven't needed the a/c in the house. Got a pair of nice walks with Mr. Puppy and didn't get all sweaty. Today I didn't need the car a/c on the way in to work. I'm looking forward to those crisp days ahead, just so long as I don't get crunched on ice!

Condolences to T S O'Rama on his local team's performance. If it's any consolation, Mr. O, my team didn't do very well either.

Only two new dilemmas.

Went to the "Auto Show In Motion" early Saturday. Found a car that really interests me, at least as a pre-owned since the new ones are out of the price range. Problem is, it's a Saab. Talk about the stereotypical lefty car! Oy! Then again, it handles well, it's got enough headroom to feel safe, it's comfy and it really seems to be well-engineered. And if it's used, it isn't doing that much to support the socialist bloodsuckers of Stockholm. (Or is that me getting Stockholm syndrome?)

Second dilemma's a bit closer to serious. Found out about a job that's pretty near perfect for me but for one thing: it's located in a seriously remote rural area. It's two hours drive to the nearest substantial town and five hours drive to the nearest city, farther yet than that to anywhere that's got friends and/or family. Part of me thinks it would be good just to get the interview practice, but they are a Catholic institution and I don't want to waste their time and money on an interview if I'm not an earnest candidate.

Like I was saying . . .

Instapundit excerpts more about al Qaeda and why it is incumbent on the parts of the world that still retain some civilization to bring al Qaeda to its end as soon as possible.

A year ago today I had my most recent heart surgery. I pray have no need to do that again any time soon. There’s no reason to suspect that I will, as I’m as healthy as can be expected. There are other problems of the heart, though. Regular readers will note that it’s been a while since I intoned:

Create in me a clean heart, O God
And renew a right spirit within me
Cast me not away from Thy presence
And take not Thy Holy Spirit from me
Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation
And uphold me with Thy free Spirit.

Some time ago my confessor recommended that I take a certain action to address one of my habitual sins. I haven’t been diligent in following that counsel and have paid for it. Now I’m trying to make good on this outstanding responsibility. Weirdly, though I know that what I’m trying to do is a good and necessary thing, I’m quite scared. Much more scared than I ever was going in to surgery.

Are you ready for some football?

It’s just about time for pro football. I’m sad to miss the first game of the year as I’ll be in class, but that doesn’t stop me from issuing projections as to order of finish for all the teams. The nicknames are from my post of 12/27/2002, most of them having their origin at the famous TMQ.

AFC West
Denver Predominantly Orange (division champ, first round playoff bye)
Oakland Long Johns (wildcard)
Kansas City Linux (wildcard)
Los Angeles’ Once and Future Team.

AFC East
Buffalo Zouave Detectives (division champ)
New England Close Shaves
Miami Marine Mammals
Jersey B

AFC North
Pittsburgh Condiments (division champ, first round playoff bye)
Cleveland Oranges (Release 2.1)
Baltimore Nevermores
Cincinnati Nepotism Object Lesson

AFC South
Tennessee Flaming Thumbtacks (division champ)
Indianapolis Lucky Charms
Houston Moo Cows
Ville of Jackson

NFC West
San Francisco Squared Sevens (division champ)
St. Louis Mouflons (wildcard)
Seattle Blue Man Group (wildcard)
Phoenix (Caution, May Contain Football-like Substance) Cardinals;

NFC South
City of Tampa (division champ, first round playoff bye)
New Orleans Boy Scouts
Carolina Bruises
Atlanta Dixie-can’ts

NFC North
Bay of Green (division champ)
Minnesota Purple Drain
Champaign Flutes
Detroit Peugots

NFC East
Philadelphia Experiments (division champ, first round playoff bye)
Jersey A
Chesapeake Watershed Region Indigenous Persons
Dallas Ointments

Playoff projections

Wildcard round
Tennessee defeats Kansas City
Buffalo defeats Oakland
Bay of Green defeats Seattle
San Francisco defeats St. Louis

Division round
Denver defeats Buffalo
Pittsburgh defeats Tennessee
City of Tampa defeats Bay of Green
Philadelphia defeats San Francisco

Conference championships
Denver defeats Pittsburgh
Philadelphia defeats City of Tampa

Super Bowl XXXVIII
Denver defeats Philadelphia

Your mileage may vary. All predictions subject to change once yet more players become injured. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. For external use only.

I know, it’s unlikely that any division would produce two wildcard teams, let alone that happening twice in the same season. Still, in the words of a man much wittier and more erudite than me, that’s my opinion. I could be wrong.

not that anyone asked lil' ol' me

Conservative Bloggers Select The Worst Figures Of The 20th Century - Right Wing News (Conservative News and Views). Thought-provoking. My list:

20 Woodrow Wilson
19 Fidel Castro
18 Hafez Assad
17 Muhammad Ali Jinnah
16 Hideki Tojo
15 Kim Il Sung
14 Idi Amin
13 Georges Clemenceau
12 Ibn Saud
11 Kim Jong Il
10 Pol Pot - tie - Margaret Sanger
9 Vladimir Lenin - tie - the Stonewall rioters
8 Gamal Nasser
7 Saddam Hussein
6 Adolf Hitler
5 Mao Tse-tung
4 Josef Stalin
3 Ayatollah Khomeini
2 Osama bin Laden
1 Yassir Arafat

Getting the politics bug again. Hope it doesn’t last too long. At any rate, a few thoughts about the ten “official” candidates for the Democratic party nomination and one bonus candidate.

The Democratic party is made up of many non-geographical constituencies. Each candidate has a certain core constituency to go along with his geographic base. Given my occidentocentrism, I’ll start from the west and go east, as best as I can.

General Wesley Clark, Arkansas. General Clark is trying to be the first candidate since Eisenhower to win a presidential nomination on the basis of a military career. While Eisenhower was recruited by both parties, Clark’s barely known to many Dems. He is, though, a favorite of the policy wonk constituency. Since so many media figures are policy wonks at heart, Clark will be treated like a serious candidate. He’ll probably be routed in Iowa and New Hampshire and will need to dominate South Carolina if he’s to keep going. Could be a vice-presidential nominee, particularly if the nominee is perceived as being weak or inexperienced on defense issues. Free advice (worth every penny!): run from the center-right, attacking Kucinich, Sharpton and Moseley-Braun and drop out early to best position for VP nomination.

Congressman Dick Gephardt, Missouri. Trying to be the first congressman to win a presidential nomination in living memory. That in itself is a long shot. His constituency is organized labor, which isn’t that strong of a base to build from. He’s trying to build momentum in early states with advertising. Free advice (worth every penny!): try getting elected to statewide office before seeking national office. Really.

Ambassador Carol Moseley-Braun, Illinois. Has the backing of NOW and, as the only woman yet running, has an advantage with the gender-identity set. Splits the racial vote with Sharpton for the time being. If she can raise funds to stay in the race (a good possibility if the administration hasn’t completely given up on life issues), she will draw most of the other candidates generally leftward. There’s almost no limit to how low she’ll go. Free advice (worth every penny!): keep running even if it looks hopeless. Try to get on Oprah often.

Congressman Dennis Kucinich, Ohio. Another, and less likely, candidate for “first congressman to win presidential nomination in living memory”. Natural constituency is Vegans (no, those aren’t people who have a special interest in a 1970s Chevy, they’re the strictest of vegetarians). Since Vegans are a major portion of the Democratic party base, he should be in the campaign well into next spring. Free advice (worth every penny!): try to get Jerry Springer to campaign for you. It could be the only way you’ll get the media attention you need.

Senator Bob Graham, Florida. Senators haven’t done especially well in the last ten presidential elections (losing all three chances: Goldwater in 1964, McGovern in 1972, and Dole in 1996), but at least there’s a precedent of getting the nomination. Senator Graham appeals to the conspiracy theorists, which could make him formidable, but doesn’t seem to have much funding, which could sink him fast. Free advice (worth every penny!): If the third quarter fund raising tallies show any other candidate with more than twice as much money raised, pack it in and keep what shreds of dignity you may have.

UPDATE: Turns out that Senator Graham was also a governor, and a rather unique one. His propensity to execute people probably hurts his chances in the primaries, though it would probably help him in the general election. I think he's toast.

Senator John Edwards, North Carolina. The pretty-boy first-term senator has several gazillion dollars from his trial-lawyer days. Appeals to the litigious and the hard-core anti-smokers. Hasn’t done well in early states yet, but could benefit from any fall among front-runners. Is trying to graft on some economic populism. Free advice (worth every penny!): emphasize your trial lawyer background. People love lawyers!

Reverend Al Sharpton, New York. The candidate most likely to receive contributions from Republicans who are trying to sink the Democratic party. Favorite of aspiring race-baiters everywhere. Will demand (and probably get) a high price from a front-runner to get out of the race, give an endorsement and go into hiding. Free advice (worth every penny!): demand a supreme court seat as your price for an endorsement. If you don’t get it, run as a third-party candidate just to teach those other Democrats a lesson!

Senator Joseph Lieberman, Connecticut. He’s the most serious candidate, which is no surprise because he’s the only marginally serious person in the running. Appeals to the “religious left”, that fast-dying breed who believes in a supreme being that isn’t government and in liberal politics. He’s trying to hit all bases. Free advice (worth every penny!): try returning to the principles you demonstrated before accepting Gore’s vp-nomination.

Senator John F. Kerry, Massachusetts. He thinks he’s another Massachusetts senator with the initials JFK. So far no one else does. He’s richer than any other candidate except, in all likelihood, Edwards thanks to his wife’s ketchup fortune. Those who still swoon over Ted Kennedy’s late brothers may favor him, especially if they never read the Wall Street Journal. He’s the angry man. Free advice (worth every penny!): mention your military service at every opportunity, act haughty, look French!

Governor Howard Dean, Vermont. The current front runner. Since he’s a physician, he has the “health care reform” vote sewn up. His role in promoting “civil unions” for homosexuals could give him some edge with the homosexual bloc, unless there’s something indicating he opposes outright homosexual marriage. He’s got significant vulnerabilities arising from his relative independence on gun control. He is likely to self-destruct a la Senator Bob Kerry a few years ago by saying something that’s just un-PC enough to make him seem human. There’s no shortage of position changes too. Free advice (worth every penny!): speak your mind and don’t think too much.

The United States is made up, conveniently enough, of states. Each state has some similarities with certain of its neighbors. Everyone has their own ideas about how the states fit together into regions. For simplicity’s sake, here are mine:

West (13 states): Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Oregon, Utah, Washington, Wyoming. The western states have been growing in population, wealth and influence for decades and, with the exception of California, show no sign of slowing down. In fact, folks who have tired of California are already swelling the populations of several other western states.

South (14 states): Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, West Virginia. Mostly states of the old Confederacy and the border states that have a closer cultural affinity to the old south. Also benefiting from decades of population and economic growth.

Middle America (12 states): Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota, Wisconsin. The rust belt and the farm belt both have had rougher times of it for the past few decades than the south or the west.

Northeast (11 states): Connecticut, Delaware, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Vermont. Still lots of power in New York, Boston and Philadelphia, but not the overwhelming influence of decades gone by.

The geographic provenance of the Democratic candidates:

West 0
South 3
Middle America 3
Northeast 4

For comparative purposes, the geographic provenance of the winners (and losers) of the last ten presidential elections:

Winner loser
West 4 1
South 6 3
Middle America 0 5
Northeast 0 1

If I were a candidate from the farm belt, the rust belt or the northeast, that would give me pause. (George H. W. Bush ran as a resident of Texas, even though he really seemed more of a New Englander. It was his savviest move, perhaps his only savvy move.)

The background of the candidates

Ambassador 1
Congressman 2
General 1
Governor 1
Senator 4
Reverend 1

For comparative purposes, the background of the winners (and losers) of the last ten presidential elections:

winner loser
Ambassador 0 0
Congressman 0 0
General 0 0
Governor 4 1
Incumbent President 4 3
Senator 0 3
Reverend 0 0
Vice-President 2 3

Now that simple comparison shows that candidates with some type of executive experience (governor, vice president or president) have won all of the last ten elections. Unless the Democrats want to run either Albert A. Gore Jr. or Jimmy Earl Carter again, they seem to be short on candidates with that basic prerequisite. I should note that the sole governor to lose was a short, somewhat goofy-looking fellow from the northeast, not that that necessarily describes any particular candidate, mind you. ;-)

Is the field too crowded for an eleventh? Not necessarily. If the existing candidates beat each other up sufficiently (not an impossibility) and if the President looks sufficiently vulnerable (not likely, but possible), the repeated denials of the candidacy of Hillary Clinton will be piled atop the mountain range of her lies. If the most divisive person on the continent wins the nomination, whatever the result of the vote, there will likely be a second civil war. (Being that Hillary would be running as a northeastern senator, chances are that the insurgents would be angry leftists.) Needless to say, I hope that the junior senator from New York doesn’t run.

Big posts are a-cookin'. Seriously big posts. Hope they're worth the bulk, but you get what you pay for here at Vita Brevis.

Meanwhile, please note that the Whapsters have lots of new bloggy goodness at Shrine of the Holy Whapping (If I excerpt one of their posts, I could be a Whapper-Snipper, which is as close to being a Whipper-Snapper as this wild old wicked man can get.